Escapade in Bangkok: take 2

The Beginning Of Time
Hello World! Believe it or not, after my last "disaster" in Bangkok, I decided to give that city a second chance on making me fall in love with it. Personally, I am not a big fan of Thailand's own "big apple". The place is very dirty. The air is thick and polluted. Even though the Thai people are very nice, allot of them seems to struggle on the issue of "putting food on the table" and therefore they are quite ready at the art of ripping you off. Unless you want to visit temples, or meet up backpackers to go somewhere else, I would not put the place on the top of my "holiday destination" list. As usual, I will try to keep this story as neutral as possible. I do not want to ruin the experience for the people who have not been there. I also will not disclose any names (apart for mine) so that I don't violate my mates' privacy toward "sensitive" subjects. (some of us might/might not have done "morally incriminating" actions while being over there and if I was them, I would prefer if people stayed discreet about those kind of things)

(I have to warn you, this will not be the most fantastic story that you have ever read. I personally found the trip to be quite average. Maybe it is because I am in a cynical phase... )

Several Weeks Ago In An Office Far Far Away
So, here's how it all started. A few weeks ago, one of my mate spotted some return tickets for 300$S. The plane left at 1900 O'clock on Friday and came back sunday night. It all sounded like a nice little fun trip to "BK" at the time. So, eight of us booked a ticket each with an "expensive" (~90$S a night) hotel room located ~10-15 minutes from Khao San Road.

Friday
*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! *
...
*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!!*

My body awakes itself at around 1200 O'clock by the noise of my alarm clock after ~1.5 days of constant sleep. Zombied out and sick from work exhaustion, my nose is completely congested with nasal mucus. I am coughing like there's no tomorrow and my head hurts like fuck. I realize that my plane is leaving in a few hours and that I need to pack up my bags, charge my batteries and make sure that I have some descent music on my MP3 player. Around 1500 O'clock, I leave for work to go meet up with my "traveling buddies". We head for the airport at around 1630 O'clock. We have a few drinks over there and then catch the plane at around 1900 O'clock. The plane ride is quite smooth, I manage to down 2 double gin and tonic in 2 hours. We land in Bangkok at 2015 Thai O'clock.

Finding the hotel is quite a mission since it is hidden on the canal away from the busy main road. We have a map but the cab driver does not speak English. He eventualy rings the hotel and ask them for directions. The place is quite nice. We do not waste time, unload our bags and get ready to go out for dinner.

We follow one of my mate who is quite experienced with Thailand in general. He brings us on a street where there's a few restaurants. We find a very nice place where the atmosphere looked very cool. The food is insanely delicious. I have some succulent Pad Thai with allot of spring rolls and one of the best Gin and Tonic I ever had. The rice is shaped as a teddy bear which is quite funny.

By that time, I feel like I am about to die due to the flue I managed to catch a few days ago. I have 2 options;

1. go back to hotel and sleep.
2. Utilize alcohol as a pain killer.

Obviously, I opt for option #2.

Some of us in the group are at their first trip to the land of smile so we decide to bring them on Khao San Road to show them THE backpacker party meet up place in Thailand. I can remember the bar "Immortal" from my last visit which is still in my book one of the best place in Bangkok. They always have rock/alternative/metal live bands with a balcony on the second floor and a "goth" club downstairs which always seems to be close.

We walk in on a thai hard rock/metal band that was playing covers from Metalica/Black Sabbath/AcDc/etc. Right there, I know I am at home. We have a few drinks there but obviously the place can not please everyone. We walk all the way to the other end of the backpacker road. One of my mate tells us that he heard of place called "something something Cowboy" which is meant to be the most happening place in Bangkok. It is already quite late and allot of places are shutting down. So, we grab 2 Tuk Tuk and order them to race each others to the place in question.

TukTuk ride in BK are always a big part of the fun. For those who do not know what I am talking about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuk-tuk
I film a bit on night vision with my video camera. Every time the cars come close to each others, we try to slap the people on the other Tuk Tuk. We say hello to the people on other Tuk Tuks. We are Screaming and laughing. It is all fun...

The driver drops us on the street in question and right there by looking at the bar style, I know this is going to be just another "bar girl fest".

****************************WARNING****************************
The next section contains some "sensitive" subjects so I guess if you are easily offended... don't bother reading further. Also, I am a bit confused about which bar is which. I was getting a bit drunk and they all kind of looked more or less the same.

Personally, I think I prefer when girls dance with some clothes on... it keeps the imagination going and the desire burning. Also the Thai women are extremely beautiful, I really enjoy studying their physical features (with or without clothes). I have to say that some of those girls looked quite desperate and sad which can ruin the whole show if you actually bother sympathizing for them. But anyway, nothing that I have not seen before and it is usually quite a hoot in those places so I did not mind too much going.
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Bangkok has quite an entertaining sex scene. For those who do not know, you can pay to see girls throw dart/banana/ping pong balls through their vagina which to me is VERY IMPRESSIVE. In my book, anybody who can score on the center of a dart board without using their hands is considered as "talented". I mean... some people can do maths... other can throw ping pong balls through their pussy. Whatever pays the bill...

So we get into this place where basically there is a stage with a bunch of girls dancing in cowboy boots (that is about all the clothes they had). After the first show, some girl get on the stage and all the others get off. She has a banana in her hands so we all know what is going to happen. She gets on her back, throws a banana in the air and accidently lands it into some guy's drink. We all crack up laughing. I also met some swedish guy in there who is pretty cool. He is coming back from Australia so we have a chat about Brisbane and we bring him to the next bar with us. (I know how it is to travel alone... it is allot easier to have people meet you then you meeting people)

This bar is a bit the same but we are actually sitting right in front of the stage. There is a midget girl who kept grabbing my dick and stealing my sun glasses/hat. Then I would go and steal it back from her. Also the dancers wants to dance with my sunnies so I lend them to her for a while. She then come back later on to literally sit on my head. (don't ask me why but it made people laugh)

Now here's where everything goes wrong.

I have to go for a piss and the toilet is up stairs. I climb up and go take care of my natural needs. On the way back, I realize that there is a big opening on the second floor which allows you to see the stage. There is also some "Tarzan ropes" so that girls can swing in the air above the platform. Some girl challenge me to swing (which at the time sounded like a good idea). I grab the rope as a joke and she pushes me! (I could have seriously injured myself here if I slipped from the rope. I was also quite drunk) So here I am dangling on a rope above a pack of naked crazy Thai bar girls yelling like an idiot. What I forget is that a rope will act like a pendulum so after swinging forward, you will also swing backward. Suddenly, I feel a serious pain in my back. My hip hit the sharp wall (I have a bruise and the next day, I had problem walking). Then I have the manager of the bar yelling at me to get off the rope.

I stumble back down the stairs and realize that one of my friend has a girl dancing on him. "That's it for him" is what I say.

A few bars later, most of the places are shutting so my mate's new "girl friend" brings us to some Thai disco called "Spicey" which is loaded with 2 things. Travelers are Hookers/bar girls. Anyway we dance our ass off. The place is quite happening. Allot of people! I eventually get home at around 0600 o'clock and directly passe out.

Saturday
*BANG! BANG! BANG!*
...
*BANG! BANG! BANG!*

"Franky wake the fuck up!" is what I wake up to. Now I am not simply hung over... I am completely fucked up! My eyes feel like if someone poored some Tabasco in them. My stomach is making backflips. I am completely sweaty since I forgot to turn the A/C on when I went to bed.

I yell something to them saying that I am staying in bed....

5 minutes later I wake up and ask them to wait for me down stairs. The plan for the day is to go to the weekend market to go bargain on some painting. Sounds good. We catch the canal boat which brings us near some train station. We can see allot of half decapitate houses on the river where locals live. We catch the train to some place. I am not paying any attention due to severe hung over and hunger.

We get to the weekend market and I really need to eat something. I missed breakfast so my stomach is screaming for food. We sit down outside of some mini restaurant to have some nice food (once again). We then take off inside the market. We realize that everyone want something different so we split. I am just sick and tired of waiting for people anyway so I just take off on my own. There is allot of different things to buy. As usual, I am seeking something stupid that is relatively clever at the same time. I am not really good at buying stuff. Since I do not have much time, it is really hard to find cool stuff and also bargain it to a descent price. I end up buying a very very ugly statue. It is that ugly that I find it cool. "perfect for my work desk" I tell myself. I manage to bargain it to a relatively cheap price. (still way more expensive than what it is actually worth)

Then finding the others is quite a mission in itself. The place is a complete maze. There is a few thousands of people wondering around and few hundreds of shops that all pretty much look the same.

We eventually meet up and catch a cab back to the hotel. My muscles are hurting quite badly so some of us decide to go for a thai massage. OMG I love those things. It completely cures my hang over. So we get one hour worth and then go back to the hotel to get ready for our final night out in BK.

We go to some backpacker restaurant which has quite a nice atmosphere. We order drinks and pizza. Chat about the usual and enjoy our time. One of the guy said that he knew a reggae bar so I really want to go there since I dig those kind of places. He brings us to a pub called "Hippie". I end up being extremely disappointed with the place. The setup is cool but the music is shit. Nothing to do with hippies. The place is the type where you go there with mates to drink and chat but the music is so loud that you ca not really chat. So after 1 drink, we settle the bill and I run outside to ask locals where is the reggae bar. They explain me to go into some back alley further down on Khao San Road. I lead the group there. We find it and have a drink there. I quite enjoy the place. They play some really good reggae tunes (not Bob Marley over and over). I play with a some girl's dog. But as usual, someone was not happy with a reggae bar so we move on to the next place. We are not too sure where to go so I suggest to bring them for Shicha in a Thai disco (not the bar girls type but the type of place where thai people go on a saturday night). We get in there and it is quite packed with locals. They stopped serving Shicha a while back so we just have a drink and watch the Thai Pop-Rock band. Dance a bit. Obviously, we cannot really communicate with the crowd since Thai people are quite reserved and do not usually speak english.

After that, we go to some other Thai club which end up being quite boring. We are sitting outside near a sewer or something. The place smells horrible.

We leave after one drink. Some of us go back to the hotel. Me and a few others told the some TukTuk driver to take us to some place "fun". The driver is a bit of a psycho. For some reason, I am about 90% sure that he is the same driver that I got the first time that I came to BK. He drives like a fuckin maniac (and I grew up with insane car drivers). Doing wheelies, turning corners on the skid and winding on the road. The 2 other guys are shit scared. I am enjoying a bit of action even though we might die in the next second.

He brings us to some brothel where the place is simply... seats... and then just a pack of girls sitting there waiting for you to go grab them and do whatever you got to do. Quite boring... at least if they are dancing, you get some entertainment but they are just sitting there. I try to explain the manager of the bar that his place is boring and then we leave.

We then walk down the road to see what is there. It happens to be the same disco that we went the previous night. Me and another guy just decide to go home while the others decide to keep going.

Sunday
*BANG! BANG! BANG!*
...
*BANG! BANG! BANG!*

This time it is not the door. I feel about as bad as the previous day but the noise is coming from the roof. It is about 0900 and there is some fuckin renovation on the roof. I am seriously cursed with sleeping disorder. I am an insomniac and I always have shit to wake me up too early in the morning.

I eventually get up and go down stairs for breakfast. We then left for Khao San road to do a bit of shopping. We go for food. I run back into some girl I met at the Thai Disco. She welcomes me by hitting me on the leg a few times with her knee. (I think that she was not impressed by me flirting with her on the previous night and not taking her home... )

One of the guy really wants to go see the elephant museum. On my side, I am too messed up to do anything so I just opt for the massage spa. We split up and find a place where they give full body treatment with herbs and stuff. We get the full things which I end up thinking that it is not that great after all. I think that I prefer Thai massages. More gymnastic and pain...

We then go back to the hotel. We get lost on the TukTuk and end up in some small alley where poor locals live. Quite interesting to see.

We pack up our bags and then leave...

I will spare you the details about duty free and what not... I think the story is long and boring enough.

The End Of Time
So overall... it was a trip to Bangkok. I guess I was not expecting much more than that. Maybe a bit more craziness would have been good. I am quite disappointed that we did not find an illegal elephant. That was my main purpose to go there.

I learned a few things about "group travel". 8 people is too much. There is always someone who does not want to do something that we are doing. Also I just hate waiting for people because they are wondering around in shops or looking at very banal stuff. It slows down the whole pace of the trip and you get to do less stuff. I think 4 would have been much better. You can fit everyone in the taxi and it is less different personalities to deal with. Anyway, I strongly doubt it but with a bit of luck... it is the last time that I have to go to Bangkok.