Into Stupidity

A few days ago, I got bored and started browsing IMDB for the films with the highest rating. I stumbled on the title “Into the wild”. I heard good things about the film. I heard good things about the book. It rated 8.something…

Fuck it, I’m downloading it!

So a few hours later, I am sitting in my freezing cold lounge room watching this little piece of entertainment. The story goes about some young American who is kind of pissed off about society, his fighting parents and life in general. He decides to go on an adventure across the US of A to live on a minimalist lifestyle. On top of that, the dude was a nice guy.

I personally respect the idea and think that it can be fun. Going down a dangerous river illegally, jumping trains, working with red necks… total Freedom!

Spoiler

And something that made the movie even cooler… it finishes badly. The guy dies at the end.

End of spoiler

So when this movie finished, I was like “wow! This was actually a good film”.

Now I have not read the book so this essay is not about that version of the story.

But anyway, some parts stayed on my mind.

I analyzed further this story and the events.

Suddenly, I got an epiphany. “Oh my god! This guy is an idiot!”

Alright, lets go back to the beginning when he reaches the hush river.

The first thing he does is grab his woolen beanie and put it on a dead tree as a mark to know where is the way out of the wild forest. Smart move uh?

WRONG!

Seriously, this guy does not know shit about spending winter in Alaska.

If you do not come from a cold climate country, maybe you will not understand the next few things but I will try to give you a reference.

Grab an industrial fan. Lock yourself in an industrial freezer. Get the blades spinning on maximum speed and put your face right in front of it for lets say… 1 hour.

I shit you not, your ears will freeze and your squirmy little face will go numb very quickly. Freezing from the head is not good! Some “experts” claim that “80% of your body heat escapes through your head”. I do not know if this is true. All I know is that flicking your finger on someone’s frozen ear will make him want to kill you.

For Christ’s sake, why do you think skiers wear face masks and goggles? Because it gets fucking cold out there!

Ok, so back to the river. Our “hero” is so keen to go on an adventure that he jumps right in and crosses it. What a cool guy! Such courage! Such… such… SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!

First rule of winter survival: stay dry!

And I am not pulling this out of my ass… I was in the boyscouts when I was about 9 (I got kicked out but did get to learn a few things) and I spent a big part of my youth playing in the forest at winter building camps, secretly smoking cigarettes and digging tunnels… all in tremendous coldness.

As soon as there’s snow in your “Sorel Boots”, it melts, turns into water and then your feet go white because the blood stops flowing. Trust me… jumping in water is a very fucking dumb move!

AND THAT WAS THE FIRST 5 MINUTES!

Then, the guy is seen in the movie as a fairly “clever” guy. He is a college graduate. He teaches life lessons to people twice his age. He survives well by burning money. He has figured out that the system is fucked and that life is not worth the effort of living in the society. He manages to smuggle himself into Mexico and walk back out in the US by talking himself out of it without passport or anything.

The guy even manages to survive many weeks of winter in Alaska by eating squirrels…

Look pal, allot of animals hibernate or migrate at winter. Surviving that kind of climate requires a fair amount of skills. I give him that.

So… how come that douche bag is not able to find food at summer?!?!

There are pork epines (I think they call them hedgehogs in English but anyway) who you barely need to put your foot on them and they die. Their meat is excellent to eat. They are a protected specie with one purpose; “If you’re lost in the wood… you have something to eat!”

You don’t even need a gun. You can make a trail of “neck traps” (collars?) and you will get rabbits, perdrix, and a whole diversity of animals that will trap themselves in them. The guy had a freaking fishing rod and a fishing net!

I mean geez… if you can do winter, you will be laughing at summer!

Then, he’s blocked by a river. Boohoo… can’t cross the river.

Dude! Rivers don’t stay wide everywhere… walk up or down and you have chances that it will narrow down. Don’t just stay there crying.

And then to top it up… the guy is semi attractive, he’s got a nice personality and everything… and he doesn’t even have the balls to shag one girl in the whole film. Then you come tell ME that you are all about enjoying life?!?!

Well fuck you pal! You deserved to die.

Seriously… if you want to live on a minimalist lifestyle and be a virgin… don’t go to Alaska. Just become a freaking monk. You do not have to work. People will give you food and being happy is your objective.

Now I did say that I enjoyed the fact that the movie finishes badly. Well fuck it, this was just some government conspiracy to show the American people “what happens when you go against the system”!

Ok forget that, I could not care less about conspiracy theories. The guy was an idiot and he’s dead.

That movie is overrated!

Into Stupidity

A few days ago, I got bored and started browsing IMDB for the films with the highest rating. I stumbled on the title “Into the wild”. I heard good things about the film. I heard good things about the book. It rated 8.something…

Fuck it, I’m downloading it!

So a few hours later, I am sitting in my freezing cold lounge room watching this little piece of entertainment. The story goes about some young American who is kind of pissed off about society, his fighting parents and life in general. He decides to go on an adventure across the US of A to live on a minimalist lifestyle. On top of that, the dude was a nice guy.

I personally respect the idea and think that it can be fun. Going down a dangerous river illegally, jumping trains, working with red necks… total Freedom!

Spoiler

And something that made the movie even cooler… it finishes badly. The guy dies at the end.

End of spoiler

So when this movie finished, I was like “wow! This was actually a good film”.

Now I have not read the book so this essay is not about that version of the story.

But anyway, some parts stayed on my mind.

I analyzed further this story and the events.

Suddenly, I got an epiphany. “Oh my god! This guy is an idiot!”

Alright, lets go back to the beginning when he reaches the hush river.

The first thing he does is grab his woolen beanie and put it on a dead tree as a mark to know where is the way out of the wild forest. Smart move uh?

WRONG!

Seriously, this guy does not know shit about spending winter in Alaska.

If you do not come from a cold climate country, maybe you will not understand the next few things but I will try to give you a reference.

Grab an industrial fan. Lock yourself in an industrial freezer. Get the blades spinning on maximum speed and put your face right in front of it for lets say… 1 hour.

I shit you not, your ears will freeze and your squirmy little face will go numb very quickly. Freezing from the head is not good! Some “experts” claim that “80% of your body heat escapes through your head”. I do not know if this is true. All I know is that flicking your finger on someone’s frozen ear will make him want to kill you.

For Christ’s sake, why do you think skiers wear face masks and goggles? Because it gets fucking cold out there!

Ok, so back to the river. Our “hero” is so keen to go on an adventure that he jumps right in and crosses it. What a cool guy! Such courage! Such… such… SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!

First rule of winter survival: stay dry!

And I am not pulling this out of my ass… I was in the boyscouts when I was about 9 (I got kicked out but did get to learn a few things) and I spent a big part of my youth playing in the forest at winter building camps, secretly smoking cigarettes and digging tunnels… all in tremendous coldness.

As soon as there’s snow in your “Sorel Boots”, it melts, turns into water and then your feet go white because the blood stops flowing. Trust me… jumping in water is a very fucking dumb move!

AND THAT WAS THE FIRST 5 MINUTES!

Then, the guy is seen in the movie as a fairly “clever” guy. He is a college graduate. He teaches life lessons to people twice his age. He survives well by burning money. He has figured out that the system is fucked and that life is not worth the effort of living in the society. He manages to smuggle himself into Mexico and walk back out in the US by talking himself out of it without passport or anything.

The guy even manages to survive many weeks of winter in Alaska by eating squirrels…

Look pal, allot of animals hibernate or migrate at winter. Surviving that kind of climate requires a fair amount of skills. I give him that.

So… how come that douche bag is not able to find food at summer?!?!

There are pork epines (I think they call them hedgehogs in English but anyway) who you barely need to put your foot on them and they die. Their meat is excellent to eat. They are a protected specie with one purpose; “If you’re lost in the wood… you have something to eat!”

You don’t even need a gun. You can make a trail of “neck traps” (collars?) and you will get rabbits, perdrix, and a whole diversity of animals that will trap themselves in them. The guy had a freaking fishing rod and a fishing net!

I mean geez… if you can do winter, you will be laughing at summer!

Then, he’s blocked by a river. Boohoo… can’t cross the river.

Dude! Rivers don’t stay wide everywhere… walk up or down and you have chances that it will narrow down. Don’t just stay there crying.

And then to top it up… the guy is semi attractive, he’s got a nice personality and everything… and he doesn’t even have the balls to shag one girl in the whole film. Then you come tell ME that you are all about enjoying life?!?!

Well fuck you pal! You deserved to die.

Seriously… if you want to live on a minimalist lifestyle and be a virgin… don’t go to Alaska. Just become a freaking monk. You do not have to work. People will give you food and being happy is your objective.

Now I did say that I enjoyed the fact that the movie finishes badly. Well fuck it, this was just some government conspiracy to show the American people “what happens when you go against the system”!

Ok forget that, I could not care less about conspiracy theories. The guy was an idiot and he’s dead.

That movie is overrated!

The Chase

This is an old story that happened to me back when I was living in Australia. Some part of it might sound a bit “far-fetch” but I can assure you that this has really happened.

The story begins at my university graduation night. The boring ceremony is happening at the Brisbane Power House. Being one of the rare individual who got a job after finishing the two years of torture, I have my self esteem skyrocketing. (AKA… I am the coolest thing on earth)
Anyway, to cut a long story short, we receive our diploma. We take photos. We shake hands. And we start drinking hard!

I run out of the steamy auditorium to be the first one at the tiny bar. I grab myself two double Jim Beam and cola. (I have a great group photo for this. I am at the front not looking at the camera and trying to sip on my glass while my piece of paper is up side down and dipping in my second drink…)

We end up going out afterward. Some posh people want to go boring city… the others want to go valley. Screw it, we are off to press club. (A good trade off between the 2…)

Unsurprisingly, we all get pretty fucking fucked. We somehow end up at the R.G. and around 0300 O’clock; I decide that I have had enough. I am going home.

*hugs*hand shakes*hugs*hand shakes* and I am off.

I live on Mulgrave Street in a nice neighborhood called Spring Hill which is quite near the valley (~ten minutes walk). So screw the two hours wait for a cab… I walk home. I have done it several times and nothing awkward ever happened. Everyone keeps telling me to not take any chances and to cab it… and obviously I do not listen to them.

So I make my way from the crowded Valley Mall on to the filthy Wickam Street, heading toward the city. I see on my right three (obviously intoxicated) people hanging (not something rare at this time and place). One of them sounds like he is trying to push someone into doing something. I think I hear him say to the other guy “come on cunt, just fuckin do it!”

I cross the deserted road not minding them and I keep walking. I just want to get to bed and I am pretty smashed. About midway through Wickam street, I glance back to see that a silhouette is walking behind me. The distance between me and him is roughly 15-20 meters. “Someone else who is walking home” I think to myself.

But then I hear “hey you! Come here!”

…

and then I think to myself...

"Come here…"

"Come here?"
Who the fuck asks you to “come here” at 3 a.m.? I can think of only two options.

1. He is a drug dealer who wants to sell me something
2. He wants to mug me

I am not interested in either of them. The only thing that I want is getting home and sleeping.

I reply to his order with a “nahhh can’tttt bwe fuakcrdsfvdsfvdb”

And I carry on walking.

I arrive at the Virgin building. I usually cut through their flowerless garden to then use the small streets. I can make it to my house quicker that way. There is only one problem… the guy is still following me.

At this point alarm bells are ringing in my (blurred out) mind. I am trying to think of something logical to do. Maybe I can go talk to some girls across the street? Hmmm, not a good option. They probably cannot fight and I would just be endangering them too. I decide that whenever I turn the corner that leads to the garden (which is a completely dark alley at this time and no one can hear or see you getting stabbed and mugged), I will start running. It is always a good idea to run at night. You look allot fitter and people are more reluctant to harass you. They prefer drunk and tired targets.

So I run at a steady pace. Once I reach the distance from the corner which equals to the distance that there was between me and the other dude who was walking behind me, I see him turn the corner running. Basically if I did not have the gut feeling to start running… the guy would have caught up with me and I would not have seen it coming.

I flick my almost extinguished cigarette on the littered pavement which explodes in many yellow sparks. I decide to sprint. I am a smoker but if I am being chased, I can fucking run fast. Only two problems.

1. I am wearing some new puffy skate shoes which are not tied up with reason that it makes the laces look bigger and puffier and therefore cooler by default and I keep losing my shoes which is not great for performance

2. I am pretty damn fuckin drunk and tired

Then I hear him scream “YOU’RE GONNA DIE YOU FUCKIN CUNT!!!” Oh shit… he is serious… I do not want to die. I am also getting out of breath. I am running up hill toward St-Paul terrace (not the nicest neighborhood neither but at least I am out of the dark and there are cars and taxis there)

So I run with all my might. I feel like my atrophied legs are going to collapse. I feel a deep and painful sensation in my blistered feet but I keep running. I use some of my strength to look behind and see if my attacker is still following me… oh shit! He is catching up! He must have been quite fit because I was fucking running hard by this time. Running up hill is quite a work out.

I finally start to see some street lights ahead of me. Thank fuck I am almost there. I push my pace which is already way above its maximum gear. But, at the same time there is a question that bothers me big time. Once I reach the terrace, I have two choices;

1. I cross the road, jump the spiky fence which has a 3-4 meters drop on the other side and lands in a primary school playground. (This playground also becomes work ground for hookers, junkies and homeless at night. I could have easily landed on a used needle)

2. I keep running up on St-Paul terrace to then use my usual way home but via running. This is not a great option because I am out of strength and do not know how persistent my chaser is going to be.

Screw this! I am going for option 3!

3. Hope for an empty taxi to pass so that I can jump into it and everything will be alright from that point on

So anyway I get out of the dark and stop running right in the middle of the deserted road. I look on both sides to see if any cars are coming. There is one coming from the Valley but I can only see the glare of his amber front lights. I can not tell if it is a taxi. It could be more bad people as far as I know. I can not run any further so I say “fuck it”

I start waving my sweaty arms around to make it stop. The rusty station wagon comes to a halt next to me. It is not a taxi but I tell the young driver:

“Dude! Dude! There’s a guy chasing me!!! Can you give me a lift home, I live just down the road!”

“yeah alright…” replies the driver

So I jump in the "escape pod" and we take off. The guy was actually pretty cool. He drops me home and before I jump out of the automobile… he says:

“hey, do you want a bud? You look like you need it”

Hahaha! Sweet!

“Fucking oath I do, my heart is about to explode”

The “Good Samaritan” opens his squeaky arm rest and pulls out a plastic bag with at least half a pound of weed in it. He puts his hand in it and grabs a bud that would weight about 1.5 gram. He hands it to me and tells me to have a good night.

I barricade myself in my small home with my over used bong and my Nokia mobile phone sms’ing everyone about my adventure.

Obviously the last part with the weed just made people go “yeah whatever… we know you like getting attention but this is fucking far fetch”. But anyway I do not give a shit… I have rarely been this scared and I can swear that this has actually happened. It has not stopped me from walking home at night but made me allot more prudent.

People around here can be a bunch of fucking twats

All right. Time for my hatred of the day (or week... or month...). It has been a while since the last time where I wrote something. I have been über busy but this time; it is about stuff that matters.

Whether or not the title shocks you, please carry on reading. You might just learn something. When I am saying "around here", I am talking about people who resides in the majestic island-country that we call "Singapore". Although, it might apply to other countries.

My bitching for today will be targeted at the people on the road even though the basic principle goes a bit deeper than this. (I do want to keep it short)

There are many ways that you can be a backward ass fuck on the roads. Cutting someone. Driving under the influence. Speed up when you see someone who is trying to merge into your lane on the freeway. Not blinking your indicators. The list goes on. But the one that I am about to talk about is even worst than any of the above.

As you may or may not know, I live across the road from the hospital. (Yes the same one that is mentioned in a previous post) Every now and then, I will hear an ambulance or see some red lights flashing. (Nothing unusual so far)

So lets just play a little guessing game here. Lets pretend that you are nearby a hospital. You see an ambulance that is driving twice the speed limit. The lights are flashing like if it is Christmas. It is screaming that atrocious noise that you can hear four blocks down the road.

What does all this mean?

Have you guessed it?

Yes! You have guessed it! (You must be smarter than your average Singaporean) Someone is seriously injured and is in need of medical help with the priority level of ASAFP (As Soon As Fucking Possible).

So here comes my question... why aren't people letting it pass through?

Seriously... you got to be fucking stupid(or an asshole on an Olympic level). And I have seen this several times. The ambulance is stuck on a street corner trying to turn and not a single driver has the curtsy of letting it go first. Its like if everyone in Singapore is late for his or her football game or something. Don't you guys realize that there's someone in pain who is more in a hurry than you? How do you justify that someone in Vietnam can cross the road walking in the middle of hundreds of scooters without getting hit and that in Singapore, an ambulance can not even cross the road when there is five cars passing.

I am not the biggest fan of the typical Australian behavior after having lived there for six years. But one basic thing remains. Even if you are in the middle of a traffic jam that goes for 5 km... People in Australia would still make an effort to get the fuck out of the way.

Can you imagine having a broken hip and having to wait after someone who is in rush to be first in line at the lottery ticket changing counter? I mean fuck... priority management anyone?

Anyway, I am cutting this here. I could carry on about "keeping your place in line" around here.

PS: Maybe ambulances should use hummers and drive like this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdpPXubi38g

My own little world

I am now at the final day of my Japan trip. It has been quite an adventure. Many love, many hates, many failures and many successes. It is now time for me to head back to Singapore to face all the demons that I left behind. I will admit it even though it is not the most attractive image to promote. I am shit scared. My future in this world is very un-certain. There are many paths that seems open to me but I cannot be sure if there won’t be a roadblock ahead. I have many decisions to make. Time is what is pressurizing me. I have a housing contract to sign. The main question is whether I can afford to set myself into another 12 months in Singapore. (Also whether it is what I really want).

So anyway, to release my emotions, I started to write this. It is the type of emotions that we naturally go through whenever it seems like we are losing control out of our environment(world). If I think ahead, this is meant to be one of the pleasure in life but at the actual moment, I cannot stop myself from being frightened.

My world is both sad and bright.
It’s full of mysteries which I try to enlight.
My world is full of darkness and fear.
No need to tell ya, I am forced to make things clear.

My world has fucked me over in every possible ways.
Some things are so bad; it really is no child play.
Luckily, my world has given me the power to dream.
But sometime I’m too lazy, I let them melt like ice cream.

Too many branches, too many forks.
Those decisions haunt me.
Too many loves, too many hate.
This world will soon destroy me.

I used to believe that my world could be reset.
It’s an easy way out and hopefully people won’t get upset.
I have found out that my world won’t grant me such control.
It’s all an illusion; you can only reset your goal.

My world uses time to make us go our own way.
Where are we all going?
We re all gonna end up at the same place anyway.

It’s obviously an impasse that makes me write this
Or maybe it’s just my world that’s trying to give me a kick.
I think that we should appreciate phases like this.
It’s my world after all; it’s my job to make it click.

anyway, wish me luck.

Old Poems

Alright... the name of this blog does have Love in its tittle and I do find that there is a lack of it in the previous posts. So lets balance the hate a bit.

Basically those are two poems that I wrote to some girl a while back when things were not exactly going my way and I was feeling allot of mix emotions. I am not exactly the "poet type" but I though that I could transfer all that energy into something creative. (to make good art, you need good spirit)

I never really made those public since it was not of anyone's business but now that the actual person is leaving (without even saying good bye...) to somewhere where I am not... I feel that it would be a waste to not share this with you guys.

note: Both poems are heavily inspired from two french canadian songs about pretty much the same matter. I also have pretty close to sweet fuck all experience in writing poems.


This was written in the worst phase where I simply had no idea what was going on. She just basically stopped talking to me for like two weeks. It kinda feels weird when you've been talking everyday non stop for several months. I didn't really know how to aboard this so here's how it came out.

Ice poem A.K.A. Milou poem.
(those are code names but if you happen to know french, you might make the connexion)


I hate my phone.
Every time I look at it,
The message count makes me feel like this is it.
Like if you were truly gone.

My msn is the same.
I wait impatiently to see your name.
I wait impatiently for your message.
But the lack of network traffic puts me in rage.

Why aren't we talking anymore?
Could we have grown apart?
Why aren't we seeing each others anymore?
Maybe thats god's way of making art...

The past few days have felt like a torture.
I had the inability to make myself feel pure.
All this dilemma has driven me insane.
Is it really true that you don't feel the same?

What exactly has happened?
I'd just like to understand.
Was all this just a big pretend?
Or maybe just your way of making a stand...

How can you have gone from someone who wants to see me everyday,
To someone who doesn't care to be apart for 30 days.
Is it something I did?
Or is it something you did?

Some people say that no news is good news.
For some reason, I can't make myself agree.
The lack of information makes me feel empty.
My only solution is to fill myself with booze.

"J'y'ai jamais dit "je t'aime" tout court
J'ajoute toujours quequ'chose après
C'comme ça qu'on voit si on est en amour
"Je t'aime beaucoup" ça fait moins vrai"

Love... death... and the rest,
Are questions too big for me.
I hate this silence like the pest.
Why don't you just talk to me.


This next one was written several weeks later when I was feeling jealous and somehow ... actually... I do not know how to explain how I felt in proper english so I will just hand it to you.

Love (Hate?) Crumbs

Its been a while since we last made contact
But my heart doesn't feel right.
When my mind thinks that you're finally out of sight,
Something brings you back like a shot of smack.

Didn't we use to get along?
Maybe this is why I'm writing those pages.
So that even if I find this place where I belong,
Those memories can live through the ages

How did we get to this stage?
I guess we weren't on the same page.
Maybe next time will be better.
Lets just hope it has a different flavor.

I don't actually know what keeps me hanging...
Maybe it's just because I enjoy crying.
Those thoughts are stuck to my head like lice.
Its Einstein who said that "god didn't play dice".

You made me believe that its still possible to be happy.
Thats what we call hope.
Its always good when you're feeling weepy.
It definitely helps to cope.

Now I know that you weren't a simple crush...
But now its a bit too complicate.
Even if what we had wasn't much,
It is what kept me up so late.

There hasn't been a single day
where i haven't though of you.
Don't worry, its okay.
I'm still able to get through.

So I'm gonna shut my trap
and carry my road alone,
With my lil heart in my stomach
and your smile in my back pack
in this fucked up world where i've grown
where i might just have needed your "chown".



Obviously, both poems are littered with personal stuff that probably does not make sense to any of you but I am open to feedbacks/comments.

The Singapore Stalker

Alright this is a weird one...

It is about 1130 o'clock. I am "sms'ing" with my favorite real estate agent. My phone beeps with the default Samsung message ringtone. The number is unknown to my phone. +6581250014 (go ahead and spam him... I do not care). The text reads itself as such:

"hi"

A bit puzzled at who would do such a thing, I reply "erm hi... do I know you?". I mean think about it... who would send an SMS with just "Hi" for message. This is un-heard of. We are not instant messaging here. We are paying 25 cens to send a 256 bytes E-mail through a wireless phone network. Let's not fuck around... 

your bandwidth is not a toy come on... repeat after me

"your bandwidth is not a toy"

I put my phone in my pocket and go out for lunch. A bit later, I receive another message saying "See yr no at Toilet".
Oh dear...

I mean... we have all seen written on some dirty wall in some shitty bathroom a phone number written there in indelible ink with some dumb ass message next to it. What we do not all know is that... apparently... some people actually ring those numbers!


What kind of losers actually do this, I do not know but they must be very interesting "subjects". I mean logically... if someone writes "I suck cocks, call me at this number", it is most probably a simple ruse to annoy someone. If you wanna suck random stranger's cocks, there are places which specialize into that kind of stuff.

So anyway, the guy picked my interest so I reply "which ones?". I then get a message saying "Bedok". Alright, I do not really want the exact details. I do not care that much.

One hour later, I receive another text saying "I chi (chinese) guy". Alright...thats enough. I could tell him to meet me somewhere so that I can go, point him with my finger and then laugh (or simply not go...) but I have too much to do this week. So fuck it, I will just ignore the sms.

I then pursue my day as normal. I go visit the new place where I might move. On my way back in the train, I receive a phone call with "withheld" written. First of all... nobody usually ring my phone. They all know how much I hate talking in that thing. I answer and all I can hear is some breathing.'oh jesus fuckin chris' I think to myself and I hang up. (I was not going to start yelling insults in my phone right in the middle of Singapore MRT... I am not completely shameless). I then write a SMS that goes like this "look dude... FUCK OFF! dont ever ring this phone again"

It has been two hours now and still no news from my "stalker".

Anyway, that is my story for today (there is a bit more to talk about but I am tired). The point of this message is that even if I though that I have already seen/known/lived with the craziest people in the world... I am still gonna get surprised in the near future.